The cold wind whipped the snow along the city street, people walking gripped their jackets closer to them to keep out the chill. Streetlights glowed overhead, mixing with the lights from the tall skyscrapers looming above. A man walking along the sidewalks burried his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. A blue knit cap was pulled over his ears, a shiver ran through his body. Dark creases had formed under his eyes long ago and had never seemed to go away. He eyed a young woman he passed and nervously walked as she watched him pass.
"Excuse me, sir?" she asked softly, walking behind him, trying to get his attention. He flinched at her voice and realized although he had never heard it before, he knew what she wanted. He stopped walking and slowly turned to face her. The girl stopped in her tracks when she saw the anger in his eyes.
"I was only...um... I was wondering if-"
"What? You were wondering what? If you can't already tell, I am having one hell of a bad day. If you ask for an autograph I swear to God I will not be sane. So go ahead, try your luck," he snapped. The girl blinked and took a deep breath.
"I was looking to see if you had the time but I'm obviously bothering you so I'll go ask someone else," she stated and turned away from him and walked away. He watched her walk away then sighed and closed his eyes and found himself sinking toward the ground, his knees bending beneath him. He sat on the fine layer of snow and looked straight ahead, his eyes locked as he simply sat in the dark, ignoring the cold seeping through his body.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"JC I don't know what your problem is, and honestly I don't care, but I do care when it affects your music and how you act when other people are around," Jonny Wright said, his deep voice echoing off the wooden floors. JC watched him walk before him, pacing back and forth in the large office.
"Jonny I don't think-"
"No JC, listen. You need to get better. End of story. If it's a drug problem, there's always re-hab-"
"I'm not a friggen crack head!!" JC protested. Jonny looked at him and sighed.
"If you drink, re-hab. If there's some other major thing like depression because of family or a girlfriend we can help you. Jayce, we need you to talk to us." JC's cold glare scared Jonny, making him take a step back. JC stood so quickly his chair skidded against the floor.
"Who do you think you are accusing me of these things? I'm not a druggie, I don't drink, I'm FINE why can't you leave me alone?"
"Because you're not fine JC. I'm your boss who honestly cares about you as a person, not as a music symbol," Jonny stated carefully, now sitting in his chair. JC stood slightly waving back and forth, his arms more relaxed now.
"I think we've got something here we need to discuss. Please take a seat." JC sank into his chair and nervously picked at his fingernails. Jonny leaned back in his seat and looked at the young man before him. His physical apperance was hard to look at, but Jonny had a feeling it was nothing like how JC was fighting a loosing battle inside.
"Talk to me. Please JC," Jonny begged. JC sighed and slouched in his chair, closed his eyes.
"I think what's really wrong was what happened with Bobbie."
"What do you mean?" Jonny asked.
"Bobbie.... what are you doing?" JC asked calmly, standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He held three suitcases, finally coming home from the tour after three months. What he saw before him was his girlfriend laying next to her ex-husband in his bed, in his bedroom, in his house.
"JC what are you doing home so early?" Bobbie nervously asked. The man beside her leaned against her and began kissing her neck.
"Brian stop it," Bobbie hissed, and pushed against him. JC dropped his luggage to the ground, a loud crash echoed in the room. His face turned red with anger and Bobbie could only smile but Brian beside her grinned like a fool. JC looked around his bedroom to see empty beer bottles covering the floor.
"Hey nice house here Mr....... NSYNC. Nice chick, she is quite the ride. I don't know what you did to her but raaar man, raar," Brian grinned.
"Get the hell out of my house you bastard," JC hissed. Brian kissed Bobbie's cheek and jumped off the bed. He pulled on a pair of pants and left the room.
"Bobbie, babe, call me." JC narrowed his eyes at Bobbie.
"Eight months," she whispered.
"I don't think I heard you correctly because I swear it sounded like-"
"Cut the shit okay JC? Eight months. That is how long I went behind your back dating Brian," she smiled.
"Get out of my sight Bobbie."
"Gladly. Oh and by the way," Bobbie held her right hand out toward JC,"this is not my mother's ring. This was my wedding ring from when Brian proposed to me a year ago to this day. We were only married a few months but then I met you, slid this ring to my other hand, lied to you and was dating a millionare and was married the whole time." JC's eyes widened when she said that. Bobbie grabbed her clothes and grinned at him.
"If you look at it though, it all makes sence. You met me, gave me anything my heart disired, money, food, clothes, how could anyone say no to that offer? You were never good with long relationships, I guess I'm just another to add to your list. Thanks for everything JC honey."
"What happened after that JC? How did you feel?" Jonny asked him, leaning his elbows on the table. JC had his knees pulled to his chest, his eyes were wide and cold and gray.
"The walls closed in. It... it felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I was underwater and couldn't swim. I don't really remember if I wanted to. Everywhere around me, she was there. Pictures, her clothes, her books... no matter what I threw away, burned,.... she was still there." Jonny sighed when a knock sounded at the door.
"Yes?" Jonny asked loudly. The door slowly opened and Justin poked his head in the room.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Not right now Justin," Jonny sighed. Justin craned his neck to see who Jonny was talking to.
"Oh. Um, okay. Nevermind then," Justin said. JC turned in his seat and Justin gulped when he saw the raw hurt and pain in JC's eyes.
"Are you..... are you okay Jayce?" JC didn't respond.
"JC's had a rough day Justin."
"Jayce man, you know if you need to talk I'm here right?" Justin asked worried. JC simply nodded and satisfied for the moment being Justin closed the door.
"I think what you need JC is a nice long break. I'll make you a deal. You have six months. You can go rest and heal, hell, you can party and get wasted every night. I need to you get better. I need the old JC back. The one who cared so much about his music he woudn't rest until it was done right. Six months JC. Use it well."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ One week later....
A silver SUV drove through the backroads of a quiet city in Florida. JC pulled his baseball cap lower over his hair and sighed as both hands rested on the steering wheel again. He finally smiled, being alone, no fans in sight, he was free for six months. He passed small houses that lined both sides of the street, and chicldren ran in the yards, rolling in the grass or running under the sprinkler. A loud thud caused JC to jump and tighten his grip on the wheel. The car still rolled forward but swerved from side to side. JC attempted to get a grip as to what was going on and the car slowed as it passed trees covering the area. He pressed the breaks and his car stopped beside a tree, then tilted to one side. JC closed his eyes and turned the ignition off.
"Damn it," he hissed then un-buckled his seatbelt and left the car, tossing his keys in the pocket of his jeans. When he looked around, thick trees surrounded him.
"Oh.... crap," JC muttered, then noticed a small house placed back in the trees. He looked around his SUV and noticed the tire had popped, the car tilted to one side. He regretted leaving his cell phone with Jonny so he could be alone. He reached from his wallet and pulled out his AAA card.
"Phone....phone....phone...," he said softly to himself then with hesitation walked toward the house. A wooden sign hung from the sidewalk leading to the house and it swung in the breeze.
"Open Hearts...Foster Home?" JC read then groaned, realizing this was the closest place that would have a phone. He trugged up the walk and carefully knocked on the screen door. A short middle-aged woman with blonde hair trimmed close to her ears stood behind the screen door and looked over JC.
"Can I help you?"
"Um, yes. My car got a flat tire and I was wondering if I could please use your phone so I can call AAA to get it fixed," he said. The woman leaned toward the screen door to peer out into the street.
"I see. Well I'll let you use the phone. My name is Diane and I run this foster home. Come on in sir," she held the door open for him and JC carefully stepped into the house. He looked around and saw the old decorations of the house, wallpaper peeling off the walls, but what surprised him the most was how quiet it was.
"I'm JC. I thought.... I thought this was a foster home."
"It is," Diane said as she led him down a dimly lit hallway.
"This is going to sound dumb but.... are there any kids here?"
"Of course."
"How many are here now?" JC asked looking around.
"Four. It's snack time so they're quiet...for now," Diane grinned. She opened a door and reached along the inside wall for the lightswitch. Once light filled the room JC saw the room was actually an office that was only large enough for a desk and a filing cabinet.
"The phone is on the desk, if you need anything I'll be in the kitchen."
"Thanks alot Diane," JC smiled. She closed the door behind her, leaving JC alone in the room. He sat in the chair behind the desk and pulled the reciever off the phone. He dialed the number for AAA and waited.
"Hello my name is Joshua Scott.... no I.... okay. My car got a flat tire and you change tires right?.... Okay I am in.... dammit I don't know which city I'm in.....Um I'm at the 'Open Hearts Foster Home.' Could you look that up?..... Okay thanks....... Half an hour? Great. Thank you," JC placed the phone on the reciever and leaned back in the chair. A loud thump sounded under his desk and JC looked around in confusion then leaned down to look under the desk. He saw a small girl crouched in her hiding spot, her back was to him. She had long wavy brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail at the base of her neck. She wore a pink tee-shirt and faded shorts.
"Why are you hiding down there?" JC asked. The girl turned towards him, frightened by his voice. A pair of large blue eyes met his and he smiled.
"Hi." She only stared back at him carefully, not answering, not moving. JC looked toward the closed door and back at the girl. He slid out of the chair and sat on the floor across from her. She looked him over then her eyes slid to her hands nervously.
"Why are you hiding down there sweetie?" JC asked softly. The girl's eyes rimmed with tears.
"I don't like it here," she whispered.
"Why not?"
"The kids are mean and the food is icky and I miss my home."
"I'm sorry to hear that. My name's JC, what's yours?"
"Faith Cabano."
"Well that's a pretty name.... so how old are you Faith?" The girl rubbed her eyes slowly.
"Five."
"Five! Wow you are OLD!" JC smiled. A slow grin crossed Faith's face.
"No!"
"Yes you are. You're so old... you could be my grandmother!"
"No!" Faith laughed again.
"No huh? Then guess how old I am," JC said, the smile getting bigger. Faith narrowed her eyes at him and thought it over.
"Ninety."
"WHAT?"
"Noooo I'm kidding!!" She squealed. Faith crawled out from under the desk and sat on the floor across from JC. He smiled to himself, having a feeling that he was perhaps the first to reach out the the girl before him. But maybe that was because he treated her like a child, and not force her to talk.
"So what do you like to do here besides play hide and seek?"
"I like to color but Timmy ate my crayons so I can't anymore."
"Timmy?" JC asked confused.
"Yea, he lives here too. He's mean," Faith said, sticking out her tounge at JC.
"He does this to me then calls me cry baby," she said, folding her arms over her chest.
"Well that's not very nice. Tell you what, I'll go buy more crayons for you today but you have to hide them from Timmy," JC said. Faith's eyes lit up and she smiled.
"Really?"
"Really." JC said looking over her, noticing a sparkle in her blue eyes that was defidentally not there before.
"Wanna know my life goal?"
"Do you know what a life goal IS?" JC laughed, taken back by her question.
"Yep! It's something you want to do before you can't."
"Well I take it back. Go ahead, what's your goal?"
"To live in a house and go to McDonalds."
"Why McDonalds?" JC asked.
"Cause I dunno the last time I went to there. Mommy was nice to me. A long time ago. When I was.... two," Faith said, holding up two fingers. JC felt his heart sink when she said that.
"What do you mean 'when mommy was nice'?"
"Mommy used to hug me and take me to McDonalds but then she got real mean and did bad things," Faith whispered.
"Like.... like what Faith?" JC carefully asked. Her eyes filled with tears again and JC saw the pain in her eyes when her mother was even mentioned.
"Nevermind hun. It's okay."
"One day mommy came home actin' funny and threw glass an' plates an' they broke on the ground real loud and she called me bad names alot," Faith said. JC looked Faith over and could not believe someone would treat such a cute child that way. Her mother must have been a drunk, JC decided.
"I'm sorry Faith," JC said.
"Why?" She asked confused.
"For what your mom did to you," Faith only looked at him and smiled, understanding how she felt.
"Tell you what... If I can... How would you like to come to McDonalds with me then we can go get all the crayons you want. How does that sound?" Faith grinned and excitedly hopped up and down.
"Can we? Can we?"
"Let's go ask if it's okay first."
"Okay!!" Faith giggled. JC rose to his feet and adjusted his hat. Faith jumped up and hugged JC's leg.
"Thanks JC," he looked down at her and smiled.
"You're welcome hun," JC opened the office door then checked his watch. AAA would be there any minute to fix his flat. Faith clutched his hand.
"Excuse me Diane?" JC asked loudly. The woman exited from a room and walked towards JC. She noticed Faith and sighed.
"Faith Cabano I cannot believe you. No more hiding. Get up to your room."
"I-"
"Now," Diane demanded. JC was taken back by her tone, it even frightened him.
"No it's okay, she didn't do anything wrong m'am. I was only wondering if I could take her out to lunch then bring her back."
"No. Faith, go to your room while I talk to the nice man honey. I'm not mad at you." Faith looked up at JC then slowly let go of his hand then ran up the stairs. Diane watched her go then turned and glared at JC.
"I don't know who you are or what you did to her so she likes you but you're not going to pull anything here."
"What do you mean?"
"You cannot take her out to 'lunch' then bring her back like it's no big deal!!"
"Why not?" JC protested.
"Can you think it through for a second? You cannot take a child from a foster home!!" Diane laughed.
"Do you know who I am?"
"Do I look like I care?"
"Ever hear of NSYNC?" JC asked, placing his hands on his hips.
"I may be older than you but I'm no moron."
"Well I'm one of them my name is JC Chasez."
"Who in HELL are you trying to fool?" Diane yelled.
"I swear I'm not lying. I'll give you my manager's number, I'll even give you my lawer's number if you'd like. All I want to do is take Faith out for lunch so she can have a good time. Why is this so wrong to you?" Diane looked over the man before her, wearing jeans, a grey tee-shirt and a baseball cap pulled low over his angry blue eyes. She shook her head and sighed.
"If you're who you say you are... why didn't you have a cell phone in the first place?"
"You want the truth?"
"It can't hurt."
"Fine," JC hissed and paced back and forth in the hall. Diane watched how he wrung his hands thinking how to explain.
"It isn't easy," He said softly.
"What isn't?" Diane asked, leaning against the wall.
"Being who I am. I mean.... I get to do what I love but it's so.... demanding. I needed to get away so my manager gave me six months off to have some down time and relax. I left my cell phone at his office in downtown Orlando, and that's about it. I know you don't know me but I.... there's something about her and I wanted to help her. She said it was her life goal to go to McDonalds."
"Her life goal huh?" Diane smiled.
"Yea. She's a cute kid."
"That she is. You know I'm amazed she talked to you."
"Why is that?" JC asked.
"She only talkes to me. Ever since she came here. Don't get me wrong people come here to adopt a kid and Faith gets their interest but she ignores them for some reason or she runs away from them."
"Do you think.... do you think it was her mother that makes her afraid of strangers?" JC asked, still standing in the hallway.
"I don't think it, I know it. Faith's mother, Gwen, was a horror and I never even met her. Gwen was twenty when Faith was born. She was a single mom because from what I understand... she was never married. Robert, Faith's father, worked across the country in New York City. He got a job to help pay for Faith to move to live with him across the country because he knew how dangerous her mother was. Gwen was a mess. She drank, did drugs, I mean you name it, she did it. She left four year old Faith alone for days in their apartment. After a while the police finally caught her and the state says Faith was to be put in a foster home until Robert had enough money so she was here for six months, then we lost contact with Robert.... We haven't told Faith this yet but he died in the World Trade Center on September 11th. She's been here ever since." Diane sighed, and she quickly rubbed her eyes that were brimmed with tears. JC looked over the woman before him and as tough as she was and even needed to be, she still loved the children who she protected with all her heart.
"So..... no one wants to adopt her?" JC asked carefully.
"It's not that. Faith just doesn't connect with anyone."
"So why did she talk to me then?"
"I don't know." Diane sighed, running a hand through her hair.
"If I wasn't who I am, if I never toured the country..... if no one knew me.... I would adopt her." JC said, then paused once he realized what he said and thought it over to realize he ment it.
"Hun.... you're famous. Single I'm guessing. Rich.... on one in your shoes would want a child."
"No it's not that. If she would come with me I could support her for her entire life. Someone would always be around to look out for her and love her. She would be happy."
"JC, be her friend. Take her to McDonalds. Don't do something that you know will hurt you in the long run," Diane said, patting his hand.
"Right... you're right," JC said as he stood up and looked around.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm going out in public without security, and I cannot remember the last time I was alone, and now I'm going with a five year old girl."
"Don't get jumped," she grinned. JC looked at her and his eyes wiened slightly. Diane laughed and pushed herself from the wall and walked towards JC.
"I was only kidding. Relax. Have fun. I'll go get her," Diane said as she patted his shoulder while walking past him. JC sighed deeply and nervously tapped his foot against the floor.
"I'm going to love her. Damn it, I can't leave her here after we get back," he groaned. Faith skidded into the hallway then raced towards where JC stood and lept into his arms. Her quick movement caught JC off guard but he tightened his arms around her so she wouldn't fall. Faith threw her arms around his neck and squeezed in a tight hug as much as she could.
"We can go now?" she grinned. JC eyed Diane standing a few feet away from them and nodded.
"Yea, let's go."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
JC opened his car door and stepped out, swinging the door shut behind him. He crossed in front of the car and opened the door to the backseat and Faith hopped out, her small sneakers thumping on the pavement. JC lowered his hat over his eyes and reached for Faith's hand.
"Come on, we gotta cross the street!!" she squealed, tugging on JC'S arm.
"Are you THAT hungry?" JC laughed, alowing himself to be pulled by the small girl.
"Yea!!! I wanna ham-bugga an' fries an'.... an' an ice ceam!!" Faith smiled. JC looked both ways before crossing the street. The large glass doors swung open and JC adjusted his hat nervously. His deep blue eyes quickly searched the crowd before him for any groups of young girls. His hand tightened on Faith's and he took a deep breath. The loud roar that echoed from four stories of people shopping, laughing, and talking echoed in his ears. JC closed his eyes and saw thousands of fans, all cheering and screaming his name while he stood alone on stage. Their power as one made his hands shake in fear. Faith looked around then wondered why they had stopped walking. She pulled harder on his hand.
"Are you okay JC?" JC's eyes shot open. He nodded and Faith pulled on his arm again, leading him down the mall. Faith's eyes lit up when they neared a toy store. She pulled away from JC and ran up to the window and held her hands up to the glass and looked inside. JC rubbed his hands together and watched Faith.
"There is a door to go inside Faith," he grinned.
"I'm not sa-posed to."
"Why not?"
"Mommy said toy stores are bad and I can never go in one," she said, looking at the Barbie display.
"Well.. do you want to go inside?" JC asked slowly. Faith nodded and JC leaned forward and squeezed her hand carefully.
"Let's go." Faith looked behind him then down both ends of the mall. JC noticed the fear in her eyes as she looked outside the store rather than going inside.
"Who.... who are you looking for Faith?"
"Mommy."
"Mommy's not here," JC said. Only then did he realize how badly her mother must have treated her. The little girl wasn't even allowed in toy stores.
"Mommy will find out. She promised she wound, "she whispered. JC was taken back by what she said.
"She's not here, she can't hurt you anymore. She can't hurt you when you're with me," JC whispered. Faith's chin quivered then she threw her arms around his neck and burried her face in his shirt.
"It's okay.... it's okay," he whispered into her ear as he rubbed her back soothingly. He stood up and held one arm around Faith as she clung to him.
"We can go in now. Are you ready?" Faith nodded against him after hesitation. JC tightened his grip on her then entered the store.
"See? We're inside, it's okay now. Wanna look?" Faith's teary eyes appearedand she blinked while looking around the store. JC quickly noticed that there was almost no one in the store for a weekend.
"Wanna get down and play with some toys?" Faith shook her head.
"Allright then, what do you wanna look at first?"
"Barbies." JC walked to the large and impressive barbie display and smiled when he felt Faith shift in his arms and look around.
"That's you," Faith said matter-of-factly as she pointed to a display of the NSYNC marrionettes. JC griminced and closed his eyes.
"Yes it is," he said softly, looking around them.
"Are you really really famous?" Faith asked quietly, matching his tone. JC pointed to each of the dolls and Faith folwed his hand with big eyes.
"These are my friends.....Joey.......Chris.......Justin......and Lance. We sing in a group and alot of people know us." JC whispered into her ear.
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Cool," she grinned. Faith looked at all the other barbies and JC only could laugh. She was so young and innocent that saying he was a millionare ment nothing to her.
"Oooh she's pretty," Faith smiled, pointing to one of the dolls. JC looked at where she was pointing to and saw the doll that had blue wings and a purple dress with glitter and long curly red hair.
"You like that one?"
"Yea."
"What do you say.... we get it?" JC asked as he picked the box up and handed it to Faith. She looked quizzically at it them at JC and a bright smile filled her face.
"Wow she's mine?"
"All yours."
"Thanks JC!!" Faith squealed and hugged JC tightly with one arm, the other hand tightly gripping the box. JC carefully moved her to his other arm so he could get to his wallet and walked towards the cash register. The woman looked up and smiled at them.
"Hi there. Will this be all today?" she asked as she scanned the bar code of the Barbie doll into the computer.
"It's for me!!!" Faith squealed happily. The woman looked up and laughed.
"Well your daddy must love you very much to buy you this doll," she smiled as she rang up the doll on the machine. JC was about to say Faith wasn't his daughter but he decided against it. It was better off that way.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*UPDATED 9/7/02
One week later
JC knocked on the front door to the foster home and rested his arms at his side, swinging them out of a bad habit. The door quickly opened and Faith lept into JC' arms, nearly knocking him over. He tightened his grip on her and swung her around in circles as she laughed.
"Guess what?"
"What?" JC smiled, pulling on one of her pigtails on the top of her head.
"I saw you on tv today."
"Really?" he grinned. Diane walked towards the screen door and JC notcied how tired she looked.
"You were dancin' with some guys," she nodded.
"Those are my friends, remember Faith?"
"Yep. OH!!!" Faith said, then scampered down from JC's arms and ran into the house.
"I'll be right back!!!" she yelled behind her. Diane opened the screen door to allow JC inside.
"You okay?" JC asked.
"No, not really."
"Why, what's wrong?" Diane sighed as she sank into a chair.
"They're closing the foster home."
"What? Why?" JC quickly asked.
"The taxes that go to keep this place open are no longer coming in because there are only a few kids here. It's not enough so they're closing it down and now I have a week to move the kids to another foster home."
"But.... Wh.... But what if it's across the counrty?" JC stammered.
"There's nothing else I could do. They need to get accepted or... adopted." Diance said, rubbing her eyes.
"And what if they don't?"
"I don't know. The state takes them. Who knows what will happen to them."
"Oh God.... what about Faith? Does she have anywhere to go?"
